38. 121421-1508

You wonder why I feel
that I take up too much space.
Yet, I do not. All I need to do is recall.
Sit still, so they can rest.
Be quiet, so they can hear.
Lower your energy
so they can handle you.

All the voices I heard as a child,
are still speaking to me.
They keep telling me to stop,
don’t be my essential self.
So, I shrink smaller,
don my little mask.
Do my best not to bother,
to hide in plain sight.

Quiet, so they can hear,
with the voices screaming in my head.
Still, so they can rest,
with the vibrations deep in my bones.
Stuff down all this energy,
carefully bottle it up.
Doing all the things I’m told,
at the expense of myself.

And when it’s too much?
It all rushes out.
and you yell.
You disapprove.
Shun me for the melt down,
that you caused.
All because I want you
to handle me,
to approve me,
to love me.
But that means,
I can have no space.